In your performance review you get a criticism you disagree with.

Take this situation apart. Each piece goes in one box: yours, or not yours. There is no third box, and almost nothing falls in one piece.

Yours

Calmly asking for examples and giving your side.Asking for specifics, testing whether there is something in it, giving your own reading without shifting into combat: that is your half of the conversation, and the only half you can prepare.

Not yours

Your manager’s judgment.Whether he comes around, and what stays in his assessment, is decided by him. One criticism is an observation about this year’s work, not a statement about you as a person.
What ends up in the written record.The record is the administration of his judgment, and he holds that pen. Your reply may end up in it or not; that decision falls on his side of the desk. You only sign for what you said and how.

The reasoning. Take what is accurate, leave what is not, and let the conversation end where the conversation ends.

It is not the one who abuses you who insults you, but your judgment that he insults you.Epictetus

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