She came from a well-off family in Maroneia and had no shortage of suitors. She wanted Crates, who had given away his fortune and lived in poverty. Her parents were desperate and asked Crates himself to talk her out of it. He tried. When talking did not work, he took off everything he owned, set it down in front of her and said: this is the bridegroom, and this is his property; consider carefully, because you cannot become my wife without living this way too. She chose him. She put on the plain cloak, went with him, and appeared at dinner parties where women did not go.
Hipparchia lived in the late fourth century BC and is one of the few women philosophers of antiquity whose name survives. Her brother Metrocles also studied under Crates. At one dinner party the philosopher Theodorus is said to have mocked her for not being at the loom; according to Diogenes Laertius she answered that she had spent her time better on her education than on wool. Her choice was not a romantic gesture but a way of life she kept up for decades. Crates was the teacher of Zeno of Citium, so she stood at the cradle of what became the Stoa.
On one side a family that knows exactly what is good for you, on the other a life almost nobody would choose for you.
What her parents thought, what the town would say, and whether Crates would ever own anything: none of that lay with her. What did lie with her was the choice itself, and accepting what the choice would cost. Crates did something rare by not persuading her but making the price visible. Choosing without knowing what it costs is not choosing.
Which choice are you postponing because others would not understand it? And which weighs more: their judgment, which is not yours, or your decision, which is?
Yours, Not Yours · A Stoic practice ground · All cases · Questions or suggestions